These Words given by My Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a New Dad

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of being a father.

However the reality soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You require assistance. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a wider inability to talk between men, who still internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - going on a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, altered how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I think my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."