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The listings for the prestigious venue in Washington features a lighthearted bilingual performance and an improvised Shakespeare troupe. Notably missing from the public schedule is Friday's FIFA World Cup draw, likely because it is a strictly closed-door affair. Officials appear determined to keep out any unwanted guests from showing up at what threatens to be an drawn-out, self-aggrandizing spectacle where well-paid celebrities will undoubtedly repeat the old cliche that "football brings together the world."

A Celebrity-Filled Crew

This glitzy event is due to be emceed by German model-turned-TV presenter Heidi Klum alongside diminutive American comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Adding to the celebrity roster will be gridiron icon Eli Manning on red-carpet duty and actor Danny Ramirez as a roving reporter. Collectively, they will preside over a ceremony that will undoubtedly have English football fans of a certain age longing for the simpler, unpretentious days of Graham Taylor, FA officials, the FA tombola and a trusty fabric pouch of simple, numbered balls.

Scheduled to last the thick end of three long hours, the event will feature a lengthy agenda of lengthy speeches, overly sentimental highlight reels, pre-vetted gags, famous faces, musical turns from artists with either little shame or enormous tax bills, and then... at last, the real World Cup draw.

Sporting Legends on Ceremony Duty

Included in those tasked with conducting the draw? Basketball giant Shaquille O'Neal, ice hockey icon Wayne Gretzky, NFL quarterback legend Tom Brady and baseball slugger Aaron Judge, all selecting numbered spheres under the supervision of ex-footballer Rio Ferdinand. Given the vast, untapped reservoir of charisma exhibited by these veteran sporting icons, short of an armed snatch-squad crashing the ceremony, it's hard to imagine what could potentially go wrong.

Actually, very little, if the insensitive defence of FIFA's widely reported World Cup ticket price-gouging mounted by an overly deferential spokesperson is any kind of gauge. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more affordable for average fans, the response was non-committal. "I think we have to be conscious of that and I think FIFA are definitely people that are aware of that," was the comment. "However, I think we can look at every industry, every sector, we could have that conversation about things," he added. The suggestion appeared that high prices are justified when compared with other high-end goods.

The Football Business

With 42 nations already qualified for next summer's tournament and six more set to qualify, there will be a genuine air of excitement once the opening acts conclude and the actual draw begins. While fans worldwide wait with great anticipation to see which three nations their particular country will play in the initial phase, the suspense will be nothing compared to that which precedes the announcement of the recipient of FIFA's first-ever award for peace for "individuals who help bring together people in peace through steadfast dedication and notable actions." Given that the draw is in the US capital and the tournament is primarily in the US, speculation about the recipient are widespread, though the clues are there.

"I have no worries at the moment. I was in contact with the owner today. My connection with him is very strong really. I have a truly transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have completely no concerns whatsoever" – a statement from a manager with a team in the midst of a five-match losing streak, providing a classic remark likely to be revisited if/when a dismissal occur in the future.

Readers' Letters

• "Regarding the mention of a potential club named Kevin... there is an exciting Brazilian winger named Kevin at a Premier League club who cost north of £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be asked to buy a Highland League club and bestow his name on it."
• "Going to football games in the past, when the answer was 'Keith', the reply was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! What was the thought process? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as unnecessary as an additional referee."
• "There is apprehension ahead of FIFA's World Cup draw: just what catchy ditty will a famous group come up with if a certain individual remains on the stage, requiring an encore?"