Late-Night Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan
Television's leading entertainers spent the broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just launched visa program, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.
Stephen Colbert's Witty Spin
Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he touches."
Colbert's target was the new program which allows overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for $5 million. A government portal pledges approval "in record time."
"A quick note here to rich foreigners: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He pointed out that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, involving large payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he added.
"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely qualify to be in America."
"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast
On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."
"This is a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.
Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Economic Issues
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll ratings during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.
This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."
"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.
